Obsessive behavior syndrome

[william]

A serious subject at best.

Human beings sometimes develop the habit of doing unnessary activities that can interfere seriously in their daily lives.

Howard Hughes the famous industrialist was one of these victims of O C S, (Obsessive Compulsive Syndrome, sometimes known as Obsessive Behavior Syndrome)

Howard was said to have constantly washed his hands. He had an unreasonable fear of germs.

Other folk might constantly check to see if their door is locked.

These habits can become so ingrained that they interfere in the normal daily activities in a person's life. It can be very difficult to live with such a person. Especially if their particular habit is to collect things.





Bummy74

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

Danny Tanner on Full House may be a good example too. His compulsion was to organize everything. Seeing it is a better way of knowing what it is.

Tell us more, Bummy

Amber

[william]

I am pretty much open of how my life has gone Amber.

And I should have seen beforehand what I was in for when I married my ex wife. But it has been said the hindsight is much more enlightening then foresight.

My wife was mentally and emotionally programmed to be a collector by her parents. To be fair, I have to say that it was not done by design. Ignorance and the fact of the depression had much to do with it.

She was born soon after the depression of 1929. Her parents were country folk. And I guess being newly married and starting out it was pretty tough sledding. Every penny had to count.

As I understand it, she stayed with her grandparents as a child. Her Grandfather was an overseer of the local dump. He would direct the folks where to throw their trash....Things that could be safely burned, Things that needed to be buried and so on.

Anything that he could salvage and use or sold was picked out to help with his own survival. Toys were a nonnecessity so the little girl had to make do with whatever she could find to play with. Many toys like discarded or outgrown dolls were found at the trash pile.

Her father never really got over the fear of depression returning. And his fears spilled over to his offspring. He sold whatever he could salvage from wherever he found it.

The idea of salvaging is good. No question about that. But when a person loses sight of the value of something, then it becomes a sickness....

A family can use only so many rabbit food sacks for garbage disposal. When it came time to sort out out the items left here after we were divorced, I counted up the rabbit sacks. There were enough sacks to cover a 5 acre hayfield! Clothes hangers are one item that most homes have an abundance of. My ex saved every one she got her hands on.

Every rummage sale and yard sale she would see, she would ask if there was anything they needed to dispose of that had not been sold. There usually was many items that were slated to be hauled to the dump. She loaded all of those items and brought them home, wash and fold them or hang them up someplace.

For 18 years I said little or nothing about it. I had to put a stop to it somehow. It was not an easy decision to make. I had no idea what the outcome would be. For her the O C S has only gotten worse.

This is the picture as best as I can paint for you of the 18 years that we were married.

Unknowingly her parents set this trap for her and her brother. He is very thrifty but not to the extent his sister is.

Bummy74

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

Yeah, boys and girls are not wired the same. The same illness is going to affect each one differently. It sounds like her parents did what they could, not knowing what would happen. It doesn't make it right though.

I know this is a serious condition and there are a lot of people out there who have it. I'm sorry you were forced to have to deal with it. I'm sure if she had a handle on everything, she would come to understand how you felt.

And it probably was hard for her to throw out her things. I can understand both sides. I haven't seen any books on the subject but I'm sure there's some out there. You could write one for sure, speaking from experience is a great way to tell a story. Others would understand more hearing from someone who lived it for so long. And there's no medical way to end it so it makes dealing with it even harder.

Amber

[william]

I have an idea that my ex wife had some other abuse from her parents besides the collecting habit being instilled in her mind.

She had a slight speach impediment. There were some simple words that she could not say correctly, like wagon. It always came out "Ragon."

Nothing really serious but many folks, especially her schoolmates were likely to make fun of it.

Bummy74

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

I had a speach impediment when I was a kid. Anything that had an s in it, I wouldn't say right. It was the s sound that I had trouble with. I went to therepy in my school and practiced saying those words and eventually got passed it.

It sounds like that's what she should've went through. They go by incomes on cases like that so my parents didn't have to pay for it or anything. This was a farm community school so it should've been the same in her area.

And I'm sure she was teased as I was for everything and anything including my speach. Kids can be cruel so it may have affected her as well.

Amber

[william]

She is pretty much like a baglady now. Rummaging thru garbage cans on the streets and alleys. She seems to be pretty much impervious to people around her. She has taken up with a man who is not very nice to women. He seems to like putting them down, not worthy of any respect.

Bummy74

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

I wouldn't call him a man. Anyone who has to take advantage of someone like that is not worthy of that title. I wouldn't even call him a boy. Its a shame people have to be like that.

I'm sorry she's gotten that bad.

Amber

[william]

Not many folks like him much either Amber. He comes and he goes when he wants and never says a word to her. He might be gone an hour or a week or six months. A relationship like this is one that I do not understand.

Bummy74.

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

Same here.

A man like that probably has many women, doing the same thing with all of them. He moves around, spending a little time with each one, controlling them to get what he wants. Manipulating them for his pleasure. I don't like people like that at all.

Amber

[william]

My ex and her male companion took several antiques to be sold at the fair on the very last day. But it was during those extremely hot and humid days that we had.

Fair goers were more interested in finding cool drinks then the were in buying antiques. I was told that they sold absolutely nothing that day. Probably much overpriced anyway.

We spent the entire day during the steer competitition. "Our kids" did quite well. A few blue ribbons and one of "our kids" took "Champion heavy weight" in the market lamb competition. He also took the "Reserve Champion Steer" prize.

He is only about 10 years old.

Bummy

Oh I just discovered that I strayed off topic a little!

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

That's ok. I won't hold it against you, this time lol.


Amber

[william]

Even after 25 years of being divorced from her the pain has not gone away. Pain might not be a proper word. Confusion???

We raised two girls, hers, but I loved them as if they were my own. And even after they both left the nest, the ties were and are still there. Not so much between my ex and myself but between the surviving daughter and me.

She is about 50 years old now. And she still comes to me ocassionally with personal difficulties. She is married to my biological nephew. They are own cousins. Both she and my nephew were married once before. Before they married each other she came to ask for my approval. It just so happened about the time that her mother and I were in the process of divorce.

Since I knew them both and watch them both grow up and gravitate toward each other as kids, how could I not approve? They have been together now for about 25 years. And they have built a log house on the farm property where she grew up.

She is a bit fearful that her mother will exert pressure to continue the collecting worthless junk as was done during her childhood. Her mother likes yard sales, flea markets and the like.

I stay away from her home as I dislike accidentally running into her mother. We are civil towards each other. And we went thru hell together concerning the two girls and problems with their father. So there has to be a few conflicting feelings for both of us.

Out of sight, out of mind somewhat I guess.

It would have been nice to be able to put all this crap behind but it is a huge part of my life. Dealing with all the crazy junk, hundreds of shoes, dresses, well you name it and she collected it. And I guess I will be saddled with the memory of it all for the rest of my life.

I still have some of the dregs of her collecting. I dispose of it little by little.

Bummy

[Amber Rigby Grosjean]

I understand how you feel. It is hard to get over things like that. Bad memories stick us more than the good ones. How that is, I don't know. Wish it was the other way around.

I'm glad you step daughter and nephew are doing well together. They were never related so its all good. They say you should always marry your best friend. I know I did. At times, it feels like we are more than husband and wife, the things we say to each other lol. I mean in a good way lol.

Amber